Art and Anxiety

I haven't made the time to do any artwork for so long now. Sometimes I think the reason why I suffer so much with my anxiety is that I'm not allowing myself to vent those emotions with a creative outlet. When I'm lost in drawing, writing or reading I'm completely absorbed and calm and I know I need to make more time to do these things that I love. I have been passionate about art since I was very little; I would spend hours and hours imagining stories and drawing the characters. My Grandparents are all very creative and growing up they really nutured my love for drawing, painting, sewing, writing, etc. Going through school was quite tough for me as I was bullied; I was always quite 'out-there' with the way I dressed and presented myself and a lot of people couldn't accept that and made me feel afraid to be myself. I remember always having a sketchbook with me and I would sit at the back of my classes doodling away and it helped me through the negative emotions I was going through at that time. I then went on to study Fine Art at college and this was a real rollercoaster ride for me. I went through a really shitty relationship and was taking drugs, I was hardly eating and weighed about six and a half stone. Amazingly, with the support of family and friends, I pulled through this and achieved top marks in my qualification and got offered a place at University. I left the crap behind and felt the best I had in ages. I ended up leaving University after the first year; I wasn't enjoying the course and I felt I had hit a wall with my artwork and that I wasn't going anywhere. I lost all confidence in my creative ability and since then I've been scared to put my pen to paper and try again. It's infuriating as doing my art used to be my release for all my feelings of fear and stress, and now I feel like my anxiety is holding me back from doing something I care about. I have made half-hearted attempts to sit and produce something, but it's been years since I was able to make art without worrying that it won't be good enough. Which is ridiculous, it's my art, it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Sorry for rambling on. The point of this post is for me to put my feelings in to words and to make a promise to myself that this year I am going to make a conscious effort to start making art again. For me. Starting this blog and my Youtube channel has made me realise how much I miss being creative and how important it is to me. It's in the very fibre of my being. So here it is. I promise to make more art.